Inner Strength
by Alicamel
Summary: susan' secret has been found out. . . how will she survive in the Corps?


Name - Psicop13  
  
E-mail - psicop13@rickarby.clara.net  
  
Story - Inner Strength   
  
Warnings - None!  
  
Spoilers - S3/S4 (I think)  
  
An old story, first archived at www.anxst.com/b5 I've come to hate songics, but I do like this story, so, I'll leave it as it is.  
  
  
Summary - Susan's left Babylon 5 and has to work out her new life - with in the Psi Corps. . . . .  
  
Disclamier: Nada nada, B5 ain't mine, if it was would I still be posting stories here?!  
  
Song's 'Hero' by Mariah Carey. New favorite of mine. Great song.   
  
Onwards!  
  
-  
  
There's a hero  
  
If you look inside your heart  
  
You don't have to be afraid  
  
Of what you are  
  
There's an answer  
  
If you reach into your soul  
  
And the sorrow that you know  
  
Will melt away  
  
And then a hero comes along  
  
With the strength to carry on  
  
And you cast your fears aside  
  
And you know you can survive  
  
So when you feel like hope is gone  
  
Look inside you and be strong  
  
And you'll finally see the truth  
  
That a hero lies in you  
  
-  
  
Susan Ivanova walked slowly along the endless grey corridors of the corps centre. She'd been here two weeks and knew each one by memory. Memory. . . memories. . .   
  
Susan sighed. Too many memories. Far too many. As always her thoughts returned to Babylon 5. Sheridan, Garabaldi, Delenn, Franklin . . . Marcus.  
  
She turned another corner. Another grey corner, like every other one in the building. So plain, there was nothing to concentrate on but her own thoughts.   
  
Marcus. . . . left behind like the others. . . yet so much more important. He had given so much, stood by her through everything, waited until she was ready. Despite his annoying presence, she had begun to rely on him and, maybe, even love him . . . . No. Can't think like that. Not anymore.   
  
Another corner, another corridor.  
  
Now she was here, taken away from a place she had finally begun to call home, away from her friends, away from him.  
  
Another corner and then the gardens. She loved coming here, looking up and seeing a *real* sky, the only thing she had missed on Babylon 5. She sat on the bench beside a large expanse of grass. Several young children played, and she heard there thought-speak in her mind.   
  
So she sat, quietly watching, remmebering, unnoticed and unhappy.  
  
^^^^^  
  
Bester approched Susan quietly. He did a deep scan on her, seeing deep into her mind. He was pleased with her progress - she'd risen from a P5 right up to a P7, and could move still further. And, although she still missed Babylon 5, she'd given up hope of ever seeing it again, accepting the life and principles of Psi Corps.  
  
As he rose through her surface thoughts he sensed her discomfort.  
  
*You are doing well Ivanova.*  
  
She made no reply, but he sensed her unspoken emotion - resignment.  
  
*You've been working commercial.*  
  
Again, no response, either to affirm or deny his statement.  
  
*Do you like working commercial?*  
  
*Not particularly.*  
  
*You don't have to.*  
  
That got her attention, he sensed her interest.  
  
*How? Why? What?* He laughed out loud at her rapid questions. Several young children looked round, but most others continued as normal, becaue it was normal, here at least.  
  
*Come with me Susan Ivanova. I'll sort it all out.*  
  
^^^^^  
  
In his office, she sat nervously opposite him, on the edge of his chair.   
  
"As you know Susan, for P12 invesigations, we often take high-potential telepaths with us." She sat, quiet as ever. He'd noticed that when she came here, she was much less outspoken, in voice and mind, than her fellow telepaths. It wasn't that she wasn't confident. It was almost as if she thought, there was nothing worth saying or responding to.  
  
"Would you like to become a field assistant?"  
  
"Whose?" Of course, when she did speak, she always went straight to the point, in true Ivanova fashion.  
  
"Mine."  
  
^^^^^  
  
It's a long road  
  
When you face the world alone  
  
No one reaches out a hand  
  
For you to hold  
  
You can find love  
  
If you search within yourself  
  
And the emptiness you felt  
  
Will disappear  
  
And then a hero comes along  
  
With the strength to carry on  
  
And you cast your fears aside  
  
And you know you can survive  
  
So when you feel like hope is gone  
  
Look inside you and be strong  
  
And you'll finally see the truth  
  
That a hero lies in you  
  
-  
  
Six months later, her rating had risen, almost unstoppably. No one knew why, but it was generally thought that constant exposure to a high psi rating had influenced her. From a P7, she'd risen to a P11.  
  
Bester was extremely pleased. She had become his most observant and prosperous field assistant. He took her through several mental exersices each day, and he accepted his authority without question. It helped of course that she had trained as a soilder, bound to obey those of high rank than her. She was also the most well fitted to jobs outside that corps. She'd lived among mundanes, lived as a mundane. She knew how they thought, how the world outside worked.  
  
Susan for her part did not seem particually bothered by the increase of her ability. She remained the calm, cool, quiet person she'd always been in here.   
  
In Bester's superior's office she accepted her orders, and commited them to her memory silently. Even Bester and his superior, had to recongnise her superior memory. Bester knew he could ask at any time abut any mission of information she'd recived and have her response almost instantanously. Now as they began the new assignent, he felt more grateful than ever about having taken her in.  
  
^^^^^  
  
Susan walked down another corridor. This one was carpteted and decorated, but still her thoughts wondered.   
  
She found it almost impossible sleep now, and headed out of the posh hotel they were in for the remainder of the mission.   
  
In the street she fingered her mothers necklace, as she stared at the sky. A full moon, bright and shinning. A full moon, like the one that had shone the day they came for her mother, two black-clothed men knocking on the door, "Where is Sophie Ivanova?", herself coming down the stairs behind Ganya, hearing her fathers angry voice, seeing her mothers red eyed face, chasing her outside, seeing the full moon and twinkling stars, and her mothers voice in her mind, 'I love you Susan. . .', as she drove away into the darkness. Remembering how her mother was never the same after that night.  
  
Shrugging off the memory she headed inside. In her room, she pulled out the Minbari uniform and dressings, all that was left of her position on Babylon 5. She slowly picked it up, fingering the fine material and the gleaming dressings.  
  
She hesitated, put them in a plastic bag, then moved to her dressing table. She took of the necklace of her mothers, and the braclet her father gave her. She put them inside the bag as well.   
  
Turning to the cuboard, she took out the black uniform of the Corps, she had thus far treated as just another uniform. Carefully she put it on, realising that it was much more than that - a symbol of the corps, of who they were and what thay stood for. She put in the other pair to her earing, giving up her brothers memory, as she had her mothers and fathers. She pulled on the black gloves, and, hestitating only slightly, she put on the shining badge, the final symbol of her ability, of her person.  
  
The other uniforms she'd wore had been a part of someone else, someone else's person. This one was a part of her identity as much as her own hand, or memories, or psi.   
  
Looking in the mirror she finally felt ready, ready to face the world as Susan Ivanova, daughter of no one, daughter of the Corps. Not Commander, not 'sir.' Not as a solider or a friend, but truely, really as her self, her own person. A solid step forward she could never have made had she had stayed on Babylon 5.   
  
She realised now the corps superiority. Not they psi ability, that was a part of the genetic dice. Their superiority came in their abiltity to accept and display themselves as they truly were, to cut connections with family and friends. In there ability to treat each telepath the same, mother or child or complete stranger. 'We look after our own.'  
  
For once in her life she felt complete.  
  
In the next room along, Bester listen in through the mental link he always kept with her.   
  
And he smiled.  
  
-  
  
Lord knows  
  
Dreams are hard to follow  
  
But don't let anyone  
  
Tear them away  
  
Hold on  
  
There will be tomorrow  
  
In time  
  
You'll find the way  
  
And then a hero comes along  
  
With the strength to carry on  
  
And you cast your fears aside  
  
And you know you can survive  
  
So when you feel like hope is gone  
  
Look inside you and be strong  
  
And you'll finally see the truth  
  
That a hero lies in you  
  
  



End file.
